News
A Christmas carol
(This week's article is a loose interpretation of the recent decision of the District Court in New Zealand Police v Paraparaumu Beach Golf Club Inc (unreported, District Court Porirua, 6 August 2004). Some artistic licence has been invoked in transforming this tale into a Christmas yarn).
Discussion turned amongst some friends,
As sat they, getting thinner,
"It's time for us to round the troops
And have a Christmas Dinner".
"We'll need to hire us a place
To cook the Christmas grouse"
So settled they upon a plan
To rent the golf clubhouse.
The golf club sat upon a hill
With views for all to see
And had good space to eat and drink
And frolic merrily.
The golf club staff were tidy folk:
They tidied and they swept.
They gave their room for guests to use
With lights off as they left.
In came the friends to use the club,
Said hello as they arrived,
Mr Jones and Mrs Smith
And Ms Moroney (who was seventy-five)
The night was long, and full of fun
A great party had been thrown
But come Eleven PM at night
Ms Moroney took off home.
Out she stepped onto the path
And found the difference stark
Inside was bright, and full of fun
But outside it was dark.
She took a step, and over she fell
Down a bank that was unseen
She hurt her back, her leg, her pride
And hit the eighteenth green.
The OSH Inspector hit the case
'Bout visibility
which led to harm and put a stop
To Moroney mobility.
The Inspectors then did their best
To relive that fatal night
They took photos and talked to folk
To decide who was not right.
N'ary party nor its frolics
were to blame, the Inspectors thought,
The friends inside were okay too
T'was the golf club off to Court.
The Club threw its hands in the air
"We have been good" it proclaimed,
A fence was built, a light installed,
"Of the fall, we are ashamed".
The Court saw that the club was sad
Yet the damage had been done
Poor Moroney could hardly walk
Due to that accidental hole in one.
The Court was no Ebenezer scrooge,
$9,000 was the price to pay,
And much like Scrooge to Tiny Tim,
In Moroney’s pocket the cash did lay.
So what are we to take from this,
when having Christmas fun?
Turn your lights on, don't fall down,
And God bless us, every one.
